Courtesy: a way of life for family and nation building

The etymology of the word “Courtesy” is rooted in Middle English and Anglo-French. For what it is worth, both cultures have had effects on us as a people. “Courtesy” refers to a certain set of socially-approved behaviours which characterize a cultured people – manners do not maketh only man, but woman and child. Courtesies have evolved in order to make life congenial, likeable and refreshing. They are basic to normal human relationships, whatever the context and even more so in inescapable times. Politeness, civility, urbanity, courtliness, adherence to parliamentary procedures and the rubric of law and order infer fraternal regard.

The theme selected for the observance of “Courtesy Awareness Month” – March, 2007 “Courtesy: A way of life for Family and Nation Building” can be described as “all-embracing.” The key concepts of “way of life”, “family”, “nation building” accentuate the critical components that have bearing on the very fabric of our existence. The proficient execution of a well thought out programme of activities meant to polish and enhance human behaviour should engender a more genteel generation.

The programme of activities such as what has been crafted by the “Courtesy Awareness Committee” challenges us with even loftier ideals – we need to move from a reasonable standard to a paragon of envy. After all, we are the nature isle – a paradigm of excellence should be our hallmark. “If we aim at nothing, we’ll hit (nothing) every time.” Commitment leads to action which brings us closer to our goal.

Expressions of courtesy help to lubricate social interaction. Those expressions like “thank you”, “I am sorry”, “excuse me please” dissipate a number of unfriendly episodes. A biblical verse comes to mind: “His speech is most sweet and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” It is rarely the big things that cause relationships to crumble. We are very familiar with the proverb “The straw that broke the camel’s back”. When insults are stacked one on top the other, I do not have to spell out what will eventually happen to the camel’s back. We wonder why we don’t find it easy to get on with others. What we hate for ourselves, we should not do to our neighbour. The Golden Rule “Treat others as you would like them to treat you” nudges us to exemplary, spontaneous behaviours. The genuine, single respectful body movement of Japanese business men at Trade Shows approaching each other with a slight bow makes an indelible impression on those witnessing this act of salutation.

The Constitution of the Commonwealth of Dominica informs the world that we are a nation under God. Let the norms of behaviour Jesus imparts to us in His Word be our point of reference. In the words of Milton, “honest-offered courtesy” should abide in “lowly sheds” “smoky rafters” “tapestry walls” and “parliament”.

If we accept courtesy as a spiritual gift; we will not view it as an onerous societal duty. “Bourgeois”, “condescension”, “superficial civility”, “hypocrisy”, “curtailing individual self-expression” are some of the negative verbalizations that emanate from individuals who fail to see the progressive impact that courtesy has on our lives as individuals who are members of families and citizens of the nation.

A current examination will reveal that increasingly, normal courtesy is being disregarded. In some instances, it is considered as unnecessary and superfluous. There are many examples which demonstrate that we are lacking in consideration for others. A door slamming towards us, the person in from not even looking back to see if anyone else was following him before releasing the door. “Ancient courtesies”, to use the language of Longfellow, still have relevance. Ladies still expect and enjoy the occasions when doors are opened for them and chairs are pulled out, allowing them to sit. Of course, the gentlemen, having done their part, anxiously await the ladies’ gracious acknowledgements. The lyrics of many of our 2007 calypsos, outline instances and incidents which underscore the value of courtesy, one calypso focussed exclusively on dress courtesy. Abandoning our decorum will only retard the growth and stability of our families and the thorough development of the Commonwealth of Dominica and its citizens.

Doing good is always possible, but not always easy. Nonetheless, if we choose a goal, in our context – to be considerate, co-operative, mannerly, tolerant, generous with compliments and encouragement, Christian-like, - and adhere to it – positive changes will be obvious. Our concern should be to endeavour and to seek no gain except the knowledge of adding value to one another’s life.

It isn’t the things we do,

It’s the things we leave undone

Which give us a little heartache

At the setting of the sun.

The gentle word forgotten,

The letter we didn’t acknowledge

The flowers and the thank you note we might have sent,

Are our haunting ghosts tonight.

The stone we might have lifted

Out of our brother’s (sister’s) way;

The little heart-felt counsel

We were hurried too much to say.

The tender touch of the hand,

The gentle and kindly tone;

Which we have no time or thought for

With troubles enough of our own.”

We market our nation as the nature isle of the world, what about an additional proclamation which reads “courtesy isle of the world”.